Hello all. Today I did something. It felt great.
After losing my baby girl I really didn’t give myself a goal to return to writing. I knew I would eventually. I was nervous I got to admit. But it felt so good to create again. To smile and giggle at the scenes I wrote. So good to have this feeling back. Now that I am back I’ve got a couple of goals in mind when I want my novel done and ready to submit.
Every day I still feel her loss, feel a piece of me missing. I’ve accepted that I may always feel this way but I will continue on. I will continue to dream and strive for a better future.
At the end of January I finished my book. Yup. Me. I did it. There were plenty of times when I thought I wouldn’t complete my goal. But I did. I was so happy and proud of myself. Both weird feelings. Immediately I thought what is going to ruin this? Messed up right? Well like clockwork the universe answered my question in the most unimaginable way.
I lost my baby this week. My shadow. My booba. She blessed me with 13 years. It wasn’t long enough though. My heart is broken. My voice cracks when I talk about anything. Memories and sadness surround me. I know time will heal this pain but for now I am not sure when I can record a podcast episode. Until the balance within me is restored I am not even going to think about recording an episode. I will however focus on my editing.
Her death, the unrelenting emptiness I feel I will learn to carry as I continue to live and dream of my future. Of course I will always wish she could be by my side – snoring like usual – but she will always bring a smile to my face, tears to my eyes because of the love she effortlessly gave. If you have anything in your life you love please tell them – constantly – and hold them tight.
I’m sitting over here struggling to keep my eyes open while writing and this one….is snoring away. Guess it is hard being a dog huh?
Didn’t get much sleep last night and I’ve been struggling all day to keep my eyes open and my focus centered on writing. Thankfully I met my goal for today and don’t have to worry about playing catch up tomorrow.
Think a glass of wine is calling my name….